a fly in a cup of milk...

as i live another day,i think to myself,has my life back in Malaysia just got flushed down the toilet..
well it might be a possibility..
friendships lost
contacts gone and never to be found..
is this what happens when you move to somewhere else..
it has almost been a year since i came to Australia.I still can remember me in school trying to get the most of my work done and to be in a higher grade..
passing all my exams and sometimes having even sleepless nights..
who would have thought after all that hardwork,I would be left all alone..
To tell you the truth,it wasn't part of the plan at all...
those promises of still being together no matter what..all worth nothing..
i miss the laughs,the smiles,the fun we use to have..
slowly one by one moves further and further away from each other..not sticking together like what we said we would..
as i arrive in australia on my first day of school,i said to myself..i would never find friends,true friends that stick together through thick and thin,true friends that will hang with you no matter what, true friends that care..
now,it's all gone..
both my homes and both friends from both my homes are gone..
everyone parting away..as a kid who has no one to relate to and is the outcast of the whole group,is left all alone on her own..
friends that seem nice and friendly might not be what they look like....
after a whole 10 months in Australia and now towards my 3rd trip back home..
i realize that I am not happy anywhere..and it makes me question myself,why was i born..why am i a part of a family of brains..why do i exist..Am i even part of the family or was i just adopted when i was a baby...
As i step into the school grounds,i look around me and all i see is white kids...
in history one day,we were talking about the white australian policy and how they treated immigrants..
i was feeling different,feeling like a stranger to everyone around me..
a quote from Michael Oher,The Blind Side; "I look around me and all I can see is white,White walls,white floors and white people,Lot's of them"
this quote had really made me feel like knowing more about him..
when i hang with my so called friends, i seem to be like a fly in a cup of milk...
nothing here is by choice,everything has to be done on your own..but when you have no one to really help you..what's the point..