IM'MA FAIIIILLLLL!!!!!

as my last post states....it was close to exam time.....
and i am writing this post in the mids of after exams and before exams..cause now is the summer holidays....
as the days went by after the exams..i keep thinking that I am sure to FAIL!!
so,one day as I was in History Class,my teacher cried out.."well,I've marked your Geography but not yet of your history...everyone did a good job"
I thought to myself..when pigs are able to fly,then would i only be believe that i did good..
so she continued.."i will be walking around the class,if you want to know your marks ask me"
and soo curiously..I asked her..
and she told me my marks..I was hyperventilating when I knew my results...
and the thing is I had failed which was the cause and then,I cried..but I tried really hard not to cry...
from then,she took me out of the class and comforted me...I felt better after but I knew that I had failed and the fear of not being able to stay in the 1st class had came over me..
then as days go by and results known every single day...I had cried and cried in worries of not being able to succeed in 2011..
it is over now and the question if am i still in the first class bothers me...

I'm Out!!=D

it's almost time

been too long since i've been on..
my blog feels kinda dead right now actually..
anyway,it is that time again..
where books,notes,teachers,a quiet room and a nice cup of coffee or tea to keep us awake are our most bestest friends on earth..
The countdown has started. Study guides given out. Internet usage is scarce.
THE PRESSURE IS ON!!
As it is around 3 weeks till the big day which is the first day of the final year exams.
soo much to study and still so little time.
dad has been on my tail since the beginning of the month because of the exams.
it just feels like he is even more worried about my exam than i am..
eventhough i am pree' keen about my studies..(i think)
i havent been putting much effort into it..
sometimes i think it is just too hard...
studying isnt my thing in life..
having to sit on a chair and to read notes over and over again just makes someone feel sleepy and draggy....
it is just soo stressful..
i dont wanna complain but it's tooo hard and i dont like it...
*sigh*
wish God had made me smarter or something...

a fly in a cup of milk...

as i live another day,i think to myself,has my life back in Malaysia just got flushed down the toilet..
well it might be a possibility..
friendships lost
contacts gone and never to be found..
is this what happens when you move to somewhere else..
it has almost been a year since i came to Australia.I still can remember me in school trying to get the most of my work done and to be in a higher grade..
passing all my exams and sometimes having even sleepless nights..
who would have thought after all that hardwork,I would be left all alone..
To tell you the truth,it wasn't part of the plan at all...
those promises of still being together no matter what..all worth nothing..
i miss the laughs,the smiles,the fun we use to have..
slowly one by one moves further and further away from each other..not sticking together like what we said we would..
as i arrive in australia on my first day of school,i said to myself..i would never find friends,true friends that stick together through thick and thin,true friends that will hang with you no matter what, true friends that care..
now,it's all gone..
both my homes and both friends from both my homes are gone..
everyone parting away..as a kid who has no one to relate to and is the outcast of the whole group,is left all alone on her own..
friends that seem nice and friendly might not be what they look like....
after a whole 10 months in Australia and now towards my 3rd trip back home..
i realize that I am not happy anywhere..and it makes me question myself,why was i born..why am i a part of a family of brains..why do i exist..Am i even part of the family or was i just adopted when i was a baby...
As i step into the school grounds,i look around me and all i see is white kids...
in history one day,we were talking about the white australian policy and how they treated immigrants..
i was feeling different,feeling like a stranger to everyone around me..
a quote from Michael Oher,The Blind Side; "I look around me and all I can see is white,White walls,white floors and white people,Lot's of them"
this quote had really made me feel like knowing more about him..
when i hang with my so called friends, i seem to be like a fly in a cup of milk...
nothing here is by choice,everything has to be done on your own..but when you have no one to really help you..what's the point..

Is happiness everything?

yes,is it everything?Happiness can't be found under a rock just like that.
where does true happiness come from?
does it come from love?
from friends maybe
what about family?
Those are the possibilities of where happiness can come from.
but honestly true happiness comes from a right relationshiop with God.
This was what I got during Religion in school today.
I think this is meaningful cause I've been in a really depressing mood since I came back from Malaysia.
Its been more than a month since i came back and I was never able to figure out why.

Anyway, I joined Tournament of Minds last term and when I came back I was told by my friend that I had missed 4 meetings and I have another 4 weeks to get myself ready with the team.
was an epic 4 weeks but we were able to win
This is what i had learnt from it all
Extra info guys!!
there is a lost city in Madison,Wisconsin.
the natives of the lost city is called the ho-chunks!!!!
and they are awesome!!!!!
well honestly i dont really know much about them but i can tell you about our journey..
well,1st we had our regionals at a school here in Orange and we won that since we were only against another school
then after 2 weeks with the same problem given as before,we made our way to syndey on the 11th of September.
we stayed a night and i stayed with the most awesomest girl meg collis...
then the big day came...
there was soo many schools around..it was just madness...
you can even hardly hear yourself because of the noise level of thousands of people talking..
we waited patiently and as the time came...
it was our turn..
a nerve wreck it was..
the shock of our life and the most fun as well....
but too bad we lost....we did do pretty well i guess..we actually got 4th place among 12 schools...
it was our first time too so we live and we learn...
and it ended for us..till next year we will wait....
the same team members minus 2 due to the amount of year 7s we have to take in..
was fun,was worth all the time we spent..
those lost lunches and recesses...and after school activities..
and now that it is over,all of us try our hardest to still keep in contact and still treat each other as a family...

study time...see ya!!!
=D
♥

i'm finally going home!!

been MIA I know that...
well...to inform you's I have 100% been back in malaysia for the past 3 weeks..
and i dont think i have been enjoying it well...
everything had went all wrong...
1st,I wasn't even able to see any of my bestbuds...
2nd,I had the worst week of doing homework and assignments which sucked A LOT!!!
3rd,didn't get to see my two elder siblings when they came back and i miss them heaps..
but stop with the negatives...
and of course i had moments where i enjoyed my time...
well,the only thing i really enjoyed was when I spent a WHOLE WEEK in kl with my awesome relatives...especially my cousins and my uncle btw my aunty wasn't as bad as i thought...
getting my braces removed and hair straightened was epic fun and tiresome!!!
6 hours on the salon chair and 4 hours on the dentist chair!!!
amazing aint it...

well after all those excitements finally ended..
it was the time where i was all stressed and homework frenzy...
now I have a day left in malaysia to enjoy...
but i dont think i will...
flying off by thursday morning sure is sad..
when your maid that has worked with you and your family for almost 11 years!
and whom you treat as a big sister and part of the family is finally going back home to indonesia and will miss your 15th birthday party...
and i barely even got to spend time with her...
talking with her and just laughing like crazy with her...
where all those memories that will never be forgotten....special times with people whom you love most are the best...
as time is getting short and the new day has already started!!
the amount of sleep i get and have to get should be well enough..
and so i say my farewells and au revoir...
p.s. thanks to Shue Wen and Poh Hui for the best fun in kl!!love the both of you heaps!!

To be Contnued...

*sigh*
well..i'm actually really stressed out now and suppose to be doing my lame essay about a novel for english.
it's almost the end of the 1st term holidays...
and i didn't spend them well...
was stuck at home most of the time but He did a very good job of making the 1st week of holidays fun..
been talking with dad recently and he has been putting pressure on me to take medicine and b a skanky boring doctor juz like my parents and siblings!!!
it's so unfair..he even gav me chemistry to read during HOLIDAYS!!juz so that i get prepared for hsc and university which is a million zillion years away!!!
and i got the money he promised me and i went in search for guitars..
but i had no idea which 1 should i choose?!!it's juz too hard....
feeling tired and exhausted...
he literally is sucking my fun away..
I hav to honestly say that for the past few days..i hav been reli annoyed with my dad..
and i juz feel like not talking to him...
I juz wish that You could b here...it's been almost a week since i saw you..and i'm so stressed ut rite now...=(
I can't stand the pressure...
I juz hate it..

well i gotat go!!!
xoxoxoxo

-Eddie Out-